aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
