There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
