This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
