Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize