You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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