what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
