the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
