Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
