even my farts smell like vagina
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
