I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
