Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
