I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
