Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
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Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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