I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
