becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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