so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
