I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
