WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
