Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
