can we get nightvision for the apartment?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
