I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
