My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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