Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I didn't notice because vodka
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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