I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
