For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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