Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
