This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
