He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
