Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize