so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
