real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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