I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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