I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
