never play flip cup with pint glasses
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
