i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
