Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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