I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
