are you so shy because you have an std?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
