my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
