dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
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So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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