bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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