man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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