That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm at about main and main street
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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