how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
