He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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