i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My ass is underappreciated
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
