I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
