Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Terrible idea I love it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
