cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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