So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
