Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
