and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
