is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
