make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
