I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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