shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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