are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The ass gains better be worth it
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