none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the condom got lost in my hair
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Randomize
