remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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