I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
vagina is talking i cant
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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