I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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