you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
