I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
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This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
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I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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