So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
