Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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