I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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