I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
