nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
