I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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