remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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