He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize