this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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