since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
