I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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