My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
