the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
