we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
