I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
